You will never believe the week I have had. Everyone has gone mad! I’ve never seen anything like it in my three short years of life. It’s like we have finally been handed the key to our existence and nobody was prepared for it. I’ve been a lone fish since a few days after I was born. My parents disappearance is still a mystery to me. I can imagine they either got captured by land fish like so many of my old pals, or died as result of being at the bottom of the food chain, either way they aren’t coming back. I searched for my parents tirelessly for the first year of my life, I felt as if I had to. In search of them, I never got to know me. The past few years for me have been focussed less on them and more on my search for purpose and being. That’s why I was so stoked to read Milton’s epic english poem this past week.
The tales he has tells are miraculous, based on a true story they say! Apparently, the Garden of Eden is the place where existence and consciousness began. God intended to create a world of pure innocence and bliss for his precious creation, Adam. He loved Adam so unconditionally. He knew that blissful paradise would be enjoyed deeper if he had someone to share it with. So Eve was designed for Adam. From Adam’s rib, grew Eve, living perfection. Adam and Eve were designed to live within the perfect paradise without any pain, suffering, or woe… if only they listened to the rules.
The Garden of Eden was the home to many different species. Although the main focus of consciousness is often on humans, Milton may have forgotten it can be found within the lions laying with lambs, the birds, or especially fish like me. The fish that lived in the Garden of Eden as some of God’s first creations must’ve had it real good. They never felt sorrow like I have, they have never known loss, they have never wanted to know more because they simply couldn’t have longed for anything other than the present moment, that’s what eternal bliss would have been like.
I have always struggled to understand my purpose in such a scary world. Sometimes in the ocean, it’s hard to breathe. My teacher at the School of Fish told us that right now is one of the most challenging times to live in the ocean. The pollution the land fish create and the waste they think they can just dump into our home makes it very hard for us to find hope. We hear so many stories of fish getting strangled by plastic or suffocating from chemicals that should just not be in our ocean. Within the past year there have been more new strains of influenza than ever in fishtory! Our doctors and nurses are getting overwhelmed and finding it more difficult to find answers and cures. They are finding it almost impossible to keep up with all the fish who need medical attention, there’s only so much room in our hospitals.
I find I have often felt resentful and bitter toward life. I was born alone and into what feels like complete chaos and distress. When I read Paradise Lost, it was one of the first moments where I have felt like maybe there is a deeper meaning to my existence beyond what I know. Life for me is so short, even shorter than a humans. I would be considered lucky if I make it to ten years old. When I get caught up in an existential crisis’ like these, I often swim over to have a cup of coral with my wisest friend, J or as the rest of the sea knows him Jonathan: The Giant Turtle. He’s a legend with a strong reputation. Everyone knows he’s the oldest living being in the sea, maybe even the whole planet! He is by far the wisest fish I have ever met and he treats me like his son since he never had any children. He taught a lot about loss and grief when I needed it the most. I can’t wait to ask him what he knows about Milton’s Paradise Lost.
“Welcome back, Jet” he says to me in his comforting voice. “J, ugh. Boy am glad to see you!” I exclaim. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” J asks. “Well, you know how I have been feeling really lost lately. I feel so much confusion and despair so often. It’s like sometimes I don’t think I have room for any other feelings… I have been looking for that sliver of hope wherever I can find it. I just read an epic poem in school the other day, it’s called Paradise Lost have you read it?” I question. “Of course I have read it! I find it fascinating and I do believe that it is based in truth.” J confesses. I feel a weight lifted off of my shoulders. If J backs up this poem it has to have some truth to it, I trust his guidance whole heartedly. But I wonder why he never mentioned this to me. “How come you never brought these ideas up to me before? You know, all those times I was in agony, searching for a bigger meaning in our scary sea… what gives?” I press. “Jet, I know all too well how you have felt in those low moments, I have been there myself. But one of the greatest gifts of life is finding and living your truth. Our world can feel like a scary hopeless place. It’s important to see your purpose as a light through the darkness. Life to me, has always been rooted in uncertainty, I have found peace with that. If I had told you what I believe prior, it wouldn’t have affected you as deeply as it has now, now that you have experienced it. It is your path to travel, not mine.”
“But you have been alive for 256 years! You have so much longer to figure it out than I do! I’m lucky if I reach 5! I need all the help I can get!” I start to raise my voice a bit, feeling cheated. “Time is nothing but a concept my boy, I have had so many years figure things out and I still learn something everyday. I don’t have all the answers, I just have found peace in the unknown, in trusting in something larger than us. I do my best to be kind and hope to reach divinity one day. When I first heard the story of Paradise Lost, my mindset shifted. Milton does an excellent job at putting existence into perspective, his story taught me to believe in the magic of our universe and trust my path. I may have been here for hundreds of years but that is just a blip compared to what comes after this life, compared to eternity. I think it’s fair to say my 200 plus years would be equivalent to your five years on a scale like that, don’t you think?” J sips his coral clearly content with his reasoning. “You always make me feel so much better J.”
References:
Marine plastic pollution. IUCN. (2022, July 20). Retrieved December 11, 2022, from https://www.iucn.org/resources/issues-brief/marine-plastic-pollution#:~:text=Impacts%20on%20marine%20ecosystems,stomachs%20become%20filled%20with%20plastic.
McPhillips, D. (2022, December 9). Hospitals in the US are the fullest they’ve been throughout the pandemic — but it’s not just Covid. CNN. Retrieved December 11, 2022, from https://www.cnn.com/2022/12/08/health/hospitals-full-not-just-covid/index.html
Milton, J. (n.d.). Paradise Lost. Retrieved December 11, 2022, from https://milton.host.dartmouth.edu/reading_room/pl/book_1/text.shtml
Rebecca. (2022, December 4). Oldest living animals on Earth today. AZ Animals. Retrieved December 11, 2022, from https://a-z-animals.com/blog/oldest-living-animals-on-earth-today/